I Could Live In Hope
I need to learn how to put myself first. I have a tendency to cater to the happiness of others and, because of it, all my life I've been called a pushover. Making others happy? I thought it would ultimately make me happier, but when it's one sided I only find it hurting me. And when it hurts me, I take the negativity and take it out on the people I wanted to make happy in the first place. So maybe, what if I put myself first? What if I take care of my own well being to make sure I can be the best person I can possible be?
I've been very tired recently, both physically and mentally. I've found myself in a place where I need to take a step back and just be alone for a while. At least when it comes to my thoughts. I barely have time to gather them these days and they gradually get into such a mess that I find myself stuck in their tangles. Time alone is underrated but I've put myself in a tight spot where my happiness is dependant on those around me and whether or not I'm doing the right thing for them. Whether or not I'm surrounded by the people that I love. I'm afraid to spend time alone because when it's just me and my thoughts, I'm forced to face their reality. And you guys, I'm running so low. Too low to be alone.