Late Night Ramblings
Do you guys ever have those days where your self-confidence just plummets for no reason at all? I was looking through my most recent outfit pictures, getting ready to edit them, and I found myself deleting the majority of them because I decided I didn't look pretty enough.
A lot of people, when they find out I'm a style blogger, assume that I must think I'm pretty good looking...especially considering the fact that there are literally hundreds of pictures of myself on my blog. But that's what you do when you're a style blogger, isn't it? When you cut out your face, you cut out what makes it your blog to some extent. But I've found that over the years, the more pictures I take, the more critical I get of myself. I start to notice how my face looks at every angle, mid-smile, above, below, and I start to set a standard for my pictures. It's not just a picture of me anymore - it's a picture of how I imagine myself to look; how I want to look. My favorite pictures are always the ones without my face in them. Even in my most recent self-portraits, you can tell my face isn't visible in the majority of them. Sometimes, when I'm posing with my photographers, I feel self-conscious, even if they're my friends. I can tell that they think a pose I'm doing or a face I'm making is just down right silly...which is why I prefer self-portraits when I have the time.
I really avoid talking about things this personal on my blog, but it's been eating me up inside for a while now and I hate the fact that I look at pictures of myself and automatically go to delete them. This blog should focus on what I love in life and how my personal style evolves over time. How I evolve over time. It shouldn't cause me to spend extra time criticizing myself over the way I look in pictures. I shouldn't be looking at other blogs and wondering why I don't look the way they do. None of that matters. So here is my promise, to myself, to stop.
The fact that I'm talking about this on my blog is probably just a sign that I should go to bed. I need to be up in less than five hours for a long day at work. Good night, blogosphere.